Mikhail Bulgakov. The Master and Margarita -
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coldly.
'But Archibald Archibaldovich--I'm a coward,' replied the porter, '
how could I stop him from coming in? He's a member!'
'Didn't you see that he was wearing underpants? ' repeated the pirate.
'Please, Archibald Archibaldovich,--' said the porter, turning purple,
' what could I do? I know there are ladies on the ver-andah, but...'
'The ladies don't matter. They don't mind,' replied the pirate,
roasting the porter with his glare. ' But the police mind! There's only one
way a man can walk round Moscow in his underwear--when he's being escorted
by the police on the way to a police station! And you, if you call yourself
a porter, ought to know that if you see a man in that state it's your duty
not to waste a moment but to start blowing your whistle I Do you hear? Can't
you hear what's happening on the verandah? '
The wretched porter could hear the sounds of smashing crockery, groans
and women's screams from the verandah only too well.
'Now what do you propose to do about it? ' enquired the buccaneer.
The skin on the porter's face took on a leprous shade and his eyes went
blank. It seemed to him that the other man's black hair, now neatly parted,
was covered by a fiery silk kerchief. Starched shirtfront and tail-coat
vanished, a pistol was sticking out of his leather belt. The porter saw
himself dangling from the foretop yard-arm, his tongue protruding from his
lifeless, drooping head. He could even hear the waves lapping against the
ship's side. The porter's knees trembled. But the buccaneer took pity on him
and switched off his terrifying glare.
'All right, Nikolai--but mind it never happens again! We can't have
porters like you in a restaurant--you'd better go and be a verger in a
church.' Having said this the captain gave a few rapid, crisp, clear orders:
' Send the barman. Police. Statement. Car. Mental hospital.' And he added :